i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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