I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
