I want to stick my p in your. b.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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