We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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