Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
