OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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