great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
