yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just had sex on a roof
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
