I want to stick my p in your. b.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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