I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
