you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
