he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
