Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
