I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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