Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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