this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
