I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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