The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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