you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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