i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
