Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
