What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
smell my finger.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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