I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
