Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
