Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
