I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
