Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
