Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
