the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
