my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
