Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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