you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize