so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
