There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize