Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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