found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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