she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Verdict: uncircumcised.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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