her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
