we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
