wakey wakey hands off snakey
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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