ya dads aren't the best wingmen
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
