Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
