Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
