yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
cat food counts as protein by the way
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
