get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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