I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize