i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
