If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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