He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize