he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
