My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
