he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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