Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
