Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
