She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Operation Purity has been aborted
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
