Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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