I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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