Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
