Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
