oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
