im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
