Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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