Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
