what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
