I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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