Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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