I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
