I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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