Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize