Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
