There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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