When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
