my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
try to milk me bitch
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