How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
